Lessons on Intimacy from the Song of Solomon

　　By: Jennifer Waddle

　　“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.”(Song of Solomon 6:3)

　　This year, I’ll complete my second time through the Bible, reading at my own pace and stopping to reflect when needed. There’s one book, however, I’ll be tempted to breeze through, mainly because it makes me uncomfortable.

　　The Song of Solomon details the intimacy between husband and wife and represents God’s beautiful design for marriage. However, I find some of the descriptions difficult to read without feeling a flush of embarrassment.

　　I suppose this stems back to when my husband and I were first married and attended a marriage workshop at our church. With my husband’s parents and grandparents sitting right next to us, we watched as the speaker used hand motions to over-emphasize Song of Solomon 7:7-8, which says, “Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breastslike clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.” (Insert flush of embarrassment!)

　　Now that I’ve been married for over 30 years, I’m revisiting the Song of Solomon with a new perspective. I’m seeing valuable lessons on intimacy for every couple, regardless of age or stage.

　　Lesson One: Intimacy Cultivates Romantic Expression

　　One of the dilemmas in marriage is that husbands and wives often express themselves differently. Some are more advantageous in the romance department, while others are more conservative. This can become a chasm of contention when left unaddressed, but Song of Solomon removes the barriers of romantic expression, teaching couples it’s ok to be lavish in their admiration of one another.

　　Chapter one offers these descriptive verses:

　　“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.” (Vs. 2-3)

　　“How beautifulyou are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” (Vs. 15)

　　“How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.” (Vs. 16)

　　Cultivating romantic expression is a tool for growth in marriage as it frees us to be affectionate without hindrance. Consider letting the Song of Solomon guide you as a couple, encouraging you to be more expressive in romance and carving out time for intimacy.

　　Lesson Two: Intimacy Fulfills Desire and Longing

　　Just as romantic expression differs between husband and wife, desire and longing differ as well. For women, mindset is key to preparing for intimacy, while men are led mostly by physical longing.

　　Best-selling author and marriage expert, Shaunti Feldhahn, writes, “It turns out that for a man, feeling desired, desirable, and that he can please his wife sexually is one of a man’s deepest emotional needs and actually gives him a sense of well-being in all the other areas of life.”

　　When couples understand the importance of a longing fulfilled, they are more aware of what their spouse needs to feel loved and accepted. Song of Solomon 8:6-7 emphasizes this deep longing, saying, “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”

　　Lesson Three: Intimacy Celebrates Mutual Commitment

　　At different times throughout Song of Solomon, the writer emphasizes, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” (Ch. 2:16 and Ch. 6:3) The celebration of mutual commitment is a common theme throughout this poetical piece and paints a lovely picture of God’s intentions for the marriage union.

　　It’s not uncommon for couples to renew their vows and recommit to one another through a special ceremony. But it doesn’t take a formal occasion to celebrate your commitment through intimacy. Consider opening Song of Solomon with new eyes, allowing discomfort to fall away as you embrace God’s holy and beautiful design.

　　A Prayer for Greater Intimacy:

　　Heavenly Father, thank You for the blessings of physical and emotional intimacy in our marriage. Please remove the obstacles that hinder our freedom and keep us from fully expressing ourselves to one another. Open the lines of communication and help us embrace the words of Solomon who described intimacy as “the mountain of myrrh and hill of incense.” We commit our marriage to You, honoring You in all we say and do. In Jesus’ name, amen.

　　Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/dragana991

　　Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer,and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.

　　Related Resource: Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical CouplesTried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure—disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing—and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and. your connection. To learn more, visit https://danache.com/tried-and-true-book/.