• She refuses marriage under the pretext of study

　　The problem:

　　My daughters refused many suitable suitors under the pretext of completing their study. I fear that their repeated refusal of suitable suitors may result in missing the chance of finding other suitable ones. Should I oblige them to marry if the suitor is suitable?

　　Please advise me. May Allah reward you.

　　The answer:

　　Study is not a valid excuse because your daughters may continue it after marriage. Delay in this respect may be catastrophic, because many girls do not find a young man according to their expectations after graduation because of their age. Hence, many of those girls reach the age of thirty or forty and find themselves forced to marry an old man or a man who has one or two wives. Moreover, some of them even remain unmarried and become spinsters and regretted too late.

　　Hence, I advise you to marry them to suitable suitors, as the Prophet said: “If any man whose religion and morals are satisfactory ‎proposes to marry one of your women, marry him, otherwise ‎there will be great temptation and corruption on earth.” [At-Tirmithi and Al-Haakim] ‎‎[Al-Albaani: Hasan]

　　If they refuse, then, you have to threaten them with forcing them to leave study for fear of being spinsters. Try to do what is best for all of them.

　　And Allah The Almighty is the Guide.

　　• Our father does not allow us to marry because of our salaries

　　The problem:

　　We are three sisters and all of us work as teachers. Our father refuses to accept any suitor so he can continue taking our salaries. Whenever anyone proposes to us, he finds any fault with him. What should we do?

　　Please advise us. May Allah reward you.

　　The answer:

　　There is no doubt that your father has made a mistake by rejecting your suitors and you should admonish him by invoking guilt, and remind him of the consequences of his stand, as the Prophet said: "If any man whose religion and morals are satisfactory ‎‎proposes to marry one of your women, marry him, otherwise ‎‎there will be great temptation and corruption on earth.” [At-Tirmithi ‎and Al-Bayhaqi]

　　You should also tell your uncles to advise and censure him for not allowing you to marry, because if a woman advances in age while unmarried, her life will be lost.

　　Undoubtedly, a woman has sexual desire and inclination to men and to have children. Thus, she will certainly look forward to having a man in her life if she is not protected by marriage and she will suffer harm and hardship. Hence, it is prohibited for the father to prevent his daughters from marrying the suitable men because of fabricated faults. It is also prohibited for him to prevent them from marriage for the sake of their salaries. It is also possible for such women to marry and allocate part of their salary to their father after marriage until Allah The Almighty enriches him from His bounty.

　　If he insists on his stand after advising and admonishing him, then, the case may be filed before a marriage court by the suitor, the woman, and one of her relatives. The court will ask the father to accept this marriage. If he refuses, the judge may depose him from guardianship and appoint another relative. The judge may also assume the guardianship even if this is against the wish of the father, as long as he unjustifiably prevents the woman under his guardianship from marriage. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):{Do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis.} [Quran 2:232]

　　And Allah knows best.

　　• My family prevents me from performing the Fajr (Dawn) prayer under the pretext that I am still young

　　The problem:

　　I am a sixteen-year-old young man. Thanks to Allah The Almighty, I am religious, but the problem is that my family treats me as if I am still young. They prevent me from performing the Fajr prayer at the mosque because they fear for me. Is this permissible for them? How should I deal with them knowing that I do not want to anger my parents?

　　May Allah reward you.

　　The answer:

　　As long as you have reached the age of competence for religious assignments, then you must perform the religious duties which include performing the prayers in congregation at the mosque unless there is a valid excuse under Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation) such as fear, sickness or rain.

　　Hence, if there were no such excuses you must attend the congregational prayer and your family has no right to prevent you. If your parents insist, then you should disobey them and you should even go to the mosque with your father or elder brothers to avoid any harm. It is known that no creature has the right to be obeyed in what is considered disobedience to the Creator.

　　In principle, you, your father, and elder brothers must perform the prayer in congregation. Hence, if the mosque is near and you are able to differentiate between what is harmful and what is not, then there is no fear.

　　And Allah The Almighty is the Guide.

　　• My neighbors always trouble me

　　I treat my neighbors kindly, but they trouble me all the time.‎ They think that my kindness means that I am weak and fear them. I am aware of the right of the neighbor but I want to know is it permissible for me to treat them as they treat me or not?

　　Please advise me.

　　The answer:

　　You have to ignore them and disregard their curses, abuses or dispraise.

　　The Prophet defined Ishaan saying: “It is to forgive those who wronged you, give those who deprived you, maintain ties with those who severed relationships with you and to meet evil with goodness and forgiveness.” [At-Tabaraani]

　　And Allah knows best.

　　• I intermix with women and masturbate

　　The problem:

　　I am a university student and I intermix with many women. Whenever the devil incites me to satisfy my sexual desire unlawfully I resist and resort to masturbation, and I have become addicted to it (I do it once, twice or even more everyday).

　　Please tell me how to solve my problem apart from fasting and immediate marriage, because my health conditions prevent me from fasting and I also cannot afford marriage now.

　　The answer:

　　First:

　　We advise you to avoid intermixing with women by leaving the mixed university and moving to another university even if it is outside your country.

　　Second:

　　We advise you to lower your gaze and not to look at women, because looking at women is the origin of all evil. If you keep away from all that calls for looks, touches, and closeness, your sexual desire will lessen.

　　Third:

　　We advise you to remember that looking at non-Mahram (marriageable) women is prohibited and incurs immediate and deferred punishments, hoping that this may deter you from following your desires and looking at women.

　　Fourth:

　　We advise you to work and exhaust and starve yourself, as this usually alleviates sexual desire.

　　Fifth:

　　You should marry as soon as possible even if you borrow or ask benevolent people to help you, because all this will help you lower your gaze and maintain your chastity.

　　And Allah knows best.

　　• He adopted a foundling

　　The problem:

　　A man found a foundling, whose parents are unknown, in a mosque. He took the baby home with him and told his family and tribe that this child was his son from another wife who had died after giving birth to him. Hence, he named this child and attributed him to himself and his tribe. He agreed with his wife to give the child part of his inheritance after his death and told her that this child was a foundling. Did this man behave correctly? If not, what should he do to correct this situation?

　　May Allah reward you.

　　The answer:

　　A baby that has been lost or abandoned by its parents is called a foundling and it is prohibited for the one who found it to attribute it to himself because he is not the biological father. This baby is also not the child of his wife. However, if his wife breastfeeds this baby, then he would be his child through suckling and his other children would be the infant’s suckling siblings. If the wife of this man does not breastfeed the foundling, then he would not be a Mahram (marriageable male) to his daughters or sisters and it is impermissible for him to consider him one of his inheritors.

　　As for giving him his name and that of his tribe, it is permissible considering that the ruling of the Mawaali (allies) applies to his case, and the Mawla (ally) of the people is one of them.

　　And Allah knows best.

　　Advice on Family Problems - I