“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:17-18)

　　A few weeks ago, everything was going wrong. My depression was at an all-time high, my OCD was affecting my life negatively, and I felt too anxious to actually get anything done. I felt nobody understood me, which only caused me to feel more alone. I went on a walk, put some music on, and tried to distract myself from the many voices screaming in my head:

　　“You should be doing better!” “You’re not trying hard enough!” “Nobody likes you!” “You will never be enough!”

　　These voices kept swirling around in my head and I felt like I was going to break. Did I wait a few minutes in the street when I should have crossed? Maybe, but I had hit the point where I didn’t want to live—again. I have been to this place many times, so I wasn’t surprised, but I was disappointed in myself. Through hundreds of sessions of therapy and endless hours of trying to appreciate the hard work I put into work, family life, and friendships, I thought maybe I wasn’t going to find myself in this place again. Yet, here I was again.

　　I kept walking after a car nearly hit me. The horn blew and the driver yelled at me, but in the aftermath of this event, I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed that I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for so long, and I feel I should be more advanced than where I am today. If only I was more like someone else I wouldn’t be having this problem, or maybe if my parents put more time into me, maybe I wouldn’t be this way now.

　　Playing these “What if? “ games has never gotten anyone anywhere. Instead, we have to live the life that has been dealt to us. Do I struggle with mental health problems, self-hate, and a lot of emotional issues? Of course, but it doesn’t mean I need to choose to end my life or feed into these terrible thoughts. And neither do you.

　　Maybe you aren’t finding yourself in a state of suicidal ideation today, but you have been there. By having been in my place before, you know the pain as well as the relief your mind brings you. The pain comes from the shame and the relief comes from the idea that, soon, all of these bad thoughts and feelings will be gone. We would be with Christ and we would never have to endure these troubles anymore.

　　God does not want us to entertain thoughts of suicide because they are wrong. Hurting ourselves or trying to end our lives is not what God wants for us. He wants us to come to Him with these feelings and give them all over to Him. Rather than allowing these terrible emotions to fester, we need to go to God as soon as they start rising in our hearts.

　　Psalm 34:17-18 says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” From this passage, we see the Lord will hear our cries and deliver us from all our troubles. He is also close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. For those of us struggling, we definitely meet the criteria of being brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.

　　We need to cry out to the Lord today, trust in the promise that He hears us, and rest in the knowledge that He will deliver us from our troubles. Rather than taking matters into our own hands, we need to give all control to God. He is close to us and will save us from our troubles. All we have to do is turn to Him, trust Him, and accept His love for us.

　　In addition to turning to the Lord, we also need to reach out to a therapist or our doctor to help us manage these symptoms and struggles. Struggling with suicidal thoughts is not easy, and we need help from medical professionals. If you are currently struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline here. There is help and support out there.

　　Let's pray:

　　Dear Jesus, I feel like I’m about to break, and I desperately need Your help. Please bring healing to my broken heart and my crushed spirit. Provide my soul with your love, peace, and comfort. Each day of my life, help me to remember that You are always with me, You love me, and You care about me. I praise You and I thank You for being with me. In Your Name, I pray, Amen.”